blog, by cristina lanz azcarate
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I had to write about this!

My company, like many others in these times, have been going through more difficult decisions that they have either gone through in the last 10 years or they ever wanted to go through in the first place.

Decisions like letting some of the loveliest people around go, because it was physically impossible for all to survive together. Or like having to let out part of the office premises to create some cash flow.

When the recession begun to appear real to all, when the BBC kept on reporting about the same old same news, many of us just wanted to say: yes, we know. You could not have expected that things could ever be going so well for more than a decade (if only)! But instead, the situation overwhelmed us.

The realisation that beyond the work we had done, beyond our own restrictions on expenditure, beyond our credit card regular payments and our suitable size mortgages, the wrong decisions and actions of others´ would always have a dramatic impact in our own.

This, for me, was specially hurtful, as I have never liked to feel not in control, or in the hands of other less competent people… Since I was a child, I always had to run the teams, and although since, i have learnt to delegate at work, in certain matters of my own private life, i still wanted to believe that it was i who called the shots.

Having discovered that this was far from reality, i begun to question myself what could i do to never feel the same agony, the same sense of loss, of complete lack of control in your own destiny… I think that I have said before that this is how, significantly, i begun to grow my own veggies (which i have loved since).

In the office, I begun to look into how to increase my experience and knowledge to personally contribute to the overall office welfare. I joined the marketing team for a while, bringing the experience from previous companies, found resources such as the British library´s Business centre, where one can take some on-line courses as well as access the data base and calendar of events and talks, and researched on-line.

But things have not changed, and although I have kept busy in my long lasting project, when things have slowed down, in the latter part of the year, the situation has not progressed and we have continue to face more of these difficult decisions.

This is why I begun to read manically about business, marketing, communication.. I have probably acquired more than 10/12 books on the matter in the past couple of months… thank heavens for Abe books, the second hand on-line book shop.. otherwise I would have spent a little fortune. (Maybe I should say invest, since it is something that it is going to benefit myself in the long run)

I intend to try to find the answer, to dissect where things are, how they got there, whether I can do something to help, but if I could not, I am at least planning to make the most of a bad situation and be like a sponge… absorb as much knowledge as I possibly can to grow as a person and to hopefully become a more useful piece of the world puzzle.

I guess what I am trying to say is that having gone though the pain, the fear, the sadness, now I am on the way out of the darkness, ready to work on what life throws at me next. Ready to fight and to try as hard as I can to succeed.

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